A Belated Introduction

Whoops, this probably should have been the first post. Oh well, better late than never! Welcome to the Red Bird Farm blog, a collection of my thoughts, recipes, crafts, and projects. I'm Emma, aka The Food Lady (as the animals know me). I grew up in Massachusetts, went to Vermont for school, where I met my husband Charles, then we moved to Connecticut, and finally found our way to Maryland in late 2018. We're the background characters here, don't worry. The main players are MUCH cuter and more fun. Red Bird Farm is set on eight acres in western-ish Maryland, and we have two barns - Charles' barn had six stalls in it, now has three stalls, and has been converted to a garage/workshop. My barn has six stalls, three for horses, one for goats, one temporarily housing the chickens, and a hay stall. Let's meet the cuter residents!

The Dogs

Radley (Rad) is a nearly seven year old Pug/Boston Terrier mix. He's perfect. I know, I know, everyone thinks their dog is the best, blah blah. Rad is the best. My mother in law is not a dog person and she adores him. I get a kick out of people who have known her forever, staring wide eyed and whispering "is that Patti with a dog on her lap???" - he's that good. He sleeps under the blankets, his manners are impeccable, he gets along with every creature to ever meet him, and he's way faster than your dog. Seriously. Sometimes a good Shepherd can keep up with him on a straightaway, but he loses them in the corners. I have to check my parents' vehicle before they leave after visits to be sure they haven't stolen him, and any time I mention that story to someone who knows Rad, I usually get a "hey, if anyone's going to get to keep Rad, it's going to be me!" in response. There's a long list. I looked into cloning him, but no guarantee of keeping the same personality, so it's a $50,000 gamble I'm not willing to take. I'll provide DNA if anyone else wants to take the chance, though.

Willow (Squid) is a six month old Retriever/Shepherd/Collie mix. We got her DNA tested because we were told she was 75% Lab, 25% German Shepherd (then saw pictures of the parents and knew that wasn't true) - that was fun, and if you want to see the results, they're here. She joined the farmily in late August of 2019, and she's turning out to be a really fun dog. She has no idea what personal space is, thinks she's a lap dog (weighing in at 45 lbs at 6 months says otherwise), and thinks all our animals are her best friends and that they will all love her tackling method of play. She's excellent at shredding toys, knowing exactly where to lay that ensures she will be directly in my way, booping us with her nose when she wants attention, and recently has discovered how to bark at her own echo because SURELY that's another dog barking back at her!!! She's a funny little noodle that I'm excited to see grow into a real dog.

The Trash Cats

Roo is a 3 year old kitty that we rescued (along with her sister, Scout) at the end of 2017. She is a clusterfuck of weird genetics; she's missing about half of one back leg (which I forgot to tell a house sitter once, which caused some momentary panic of is this an injury that happened just now??), the other back leg appears to have two feet's worth of paw pad that fused together, she has a super short tail, and is the softest cat that I have ever met in my life. Seriously, she might as well be part chinchilla. She is now an indoor cat, having disappeared outside for 11 days while I was in Seattle for my sister's wedding, and she enjoys yelling at me for snacks, scurrying around playing with invisible friends, and sitting directly on my chest until I wake up in the morning (since no matter what time I wake up, I'm late to feed her).

Scout is Roo's sister, and collectively, they make up the Trash Cats. This may sound like a cruel nickname, but let me explain. First, I'm pretty sure they were found in a dumpster before they ended up at the rescue. Okay, so I'm making fun of their heritage a little...I'm not awful, I swear. They also eat EVERYTHING. Scout's favorite is popcorn and she'll catch it out of the air if I throw it for her. Closely following popcorn is paper towels (dirty ones that didn't make it into the trash yet or clean ones just in case), rubber spatulas, and literally anything that is unsupervised for over 30 seconds. Tomato soup? Yep, the Trash Cats will eat it. Pasta? Yum. Hot sauce left behind on a plate? Sure! Medicated ointment for Roo's leg? You guessed it - delicious. Scout is a dedicated Counter Surfer, and will snuggle with me in bed until Charles also comes to bed (meaning both humans are NOT supervising the counter) and she'll hop off the bed and jump up to search for snacks of any variety. Nothing is safe, which is why I recommend never leaving food unattended, and cleaning any flat surface you intend to eat on knowing that a cat has stepped all over it within the last few hours.

The Fish Tank

Okay, fish might not be "farm animals" exactly but I'm a huge fish nerd. Charles and I went to a lady's house to buy a treadmill from her, and she had a 55 gallon fish tank sitting in the driveway. I asked if she'd take $15 for it, since that was all the money I had aside from the treadmill money. She called her husband (who's tank it was), and she said "sure, and I'll give you the stuff with it!" so that's how I got a 55 gallon tank with all the lights, a bunch of decorations, and a very expensive filter. For reference, I'd likely have had to pay about $650-800 to get that new in a store. I resealed the edges to be sure it held water, and now it holds three angel fish, two royal farlowellas (I call them the stick bugs), and a lonely Cardinal tetra who used to have a school but is the only surviving member now. If you feel like it's hard to find friends who are way too into fishkeeping, I'm eager to volunteer as Best Fish Friend.

The Farm Animals

Maya is the reigning Queen of Red Bird Farm. She's a 16 year old Thoroughbred mare, who was bred in West Virginia, and failed miserably as a racehorse at a track that's less than a half hour's drive from us. She went to a barn in MD, then came to MA at the barn I grew up at, which is when I met her. She later came to school with me in VT, then moved to CT with us, and is now a happy, spoiled, in-charge princess. Our goal in 2020 is to compete in some eventing-esque activities and spend more time trail riding. We may attempt to foxhunt but there's a non-zero chance that Maya will let me know that she knows what she's doing and I do not, so she'll take the lead, which could leave me miles from where I'd like to be. I'll keep you posted. Her favorite activities are rolling in mud, bossing around the other animals, and following around her goats.

Prento is a 23 year old Dutch Warmblood gelding. He's one of our boarders, here to retire in sunny Maryland. Prento is another Massachusetts transplant - I met Prento when he was probably 6 or 7, owned by a junior equitation rider. He was sold to his current owner at a different barn, who ended up bringing him back to Evenstride, and he made the long journey down here last February. Prento is the definition of a gentle giant, bossed around by the chickens, and an absolute sweetheart. He's a teacher of many things, and he loves when new people come to the farm. His fun trick is that he'll itch you with his nose if you get a good scratching going for him.

Annie is our newest boarder, a 12 year old Oldenburg mare. She's also from Evenstride, and she's here for a rest/relaxation spa vacation. She came down just before Thanksgiving, and has been settling in very well. She seems to love the mud as much as anyone else, and so far is making friends with anyone who will come near her. She seems to take it personally when the chickens run away from her, but luckily, the goats are quite happy to share her hay when she offers. She's also a "if you scratch my back, I'll scratch whatever person is in front of me" kind of horse, like Prento. She will also attempt to eat any snack that I offer her, and if I don't offer any snacks, she'll lick my jacket until I do, because surely, the Food Lady has snacks!

The Goats - Monty (left, short for Monterey) and Cheddar (right, tongue out). These two are half siblings, Monty is our (wethered) boy and Cheddar is our girl. They are adorably idiotic yard puppies who have WAY more personality than I ever expected from goats. We got them in CT when Maya was without another horse. Maya definitely thinks the goats are her natural born offspring, and the goats reciprocate in that relationship by acting like bratty teenagers. Cheddar likes to watch me make meals for the horses with her front feet in the tack room (all four feet is not allowed, and she knows it), and Monty likes to be as tall as possible, which usually means standing on any object he can. They are hungry hippos, but will not eat any food off the ground that wasn't originally on the ground. For example: found berries on the ground? DELICIOUS. Berries that Emma tried to hand us and we knocked out of her hand, so they are now on the ground? POISON. Cheddar also likes peppermints so much that she also will eat the plastic wrapper that previously contained a peppermint, if you're not careful.

The Noodles:

Left to right, we have Penne, Rotini (Teeny), Linguine, and Rigatoni (Toni). Every chicken at Red Bird Farm has been named after a noodle shape (please help, I'm running out of noodle names). Penne likes to yell at me, and occasionally starts crowing just to psyche me out (while continuing to lay eggs). Rotini is an absolute sweetheart who just makes soft sounds all day long. Linguine and Rigatoni are both terrified of everything except Penne and Rotini, but they both have hilarious beards so I'm constantly trying to bribe them into coming close enough for me to take pictures of them.

Phew, this was a VERY long introduction. Welcome to the Farm; we're all nuts here, but at least we're usually nuts in an entertaining way.